It’s a crushing blow. You’ve just found out that your partner cheated on you. You were not expecting it. You aren’t sure what to do about your marriage or how you feel about your spouse. Somewhere deep inside, you are hopeful that you can get through the issues and strengthen your marriage in the long run.
Ultimately, you want to stay together if possible, but you can’t think about the affair without a bubble of panic rising inside you.
The first thoughts that pop into your mind are likely to be questions. Why did this happen? The truth is that there probably isn’t one easy answer. Your marriage may have been in trouble. Your spouse could have personal issues that he or she is working through or it could be related to something different altogether. You might never get a satisfactory answer to your questions.
You can, however, get your life back together and move past the pain. You can forgive. And your marriage can be saved (if you want to save it). Take the following tips to heart.
- Avoid Making Big Decisions
Your emotions are running high. Don’t think about ending the marriage just yet. You may feel differently in a few months. Instead, think about your marriage outside of this issue. Is it healthy? Are there things that you and your spouse need to address?
- Embrace Your Feelings
You are going to feel a range of emotions. There is nothing wrong with being angry, sad, scared and more. In fact, it would be unusual if you didn’t feel many different emotions (often in a short span of time). The discovery of the affair was likely shocking to you. Your emotions are going to be up and down for a long time. Try to be kind to yourself. You might have trouble sleeping and your stomach may get upset. There could be other issues as well. Do the best you can to care for yourself so that you stay healthy through all of this.
- Stick To A Routine
Dealing with infidelity is hard. To get through the worst days, put yourself on a schedule and stick t0 it. Eat meals at regular times. Choose healthy foods. Go to bed at the same time each night and get up at the same time each day. Make time to work out. Make sure you are getting enough water. Take time for yourself to do the things that you enjoy.
You can still be happy. Take time to smile. Watch comedies on television or go out with people that make you feel good. Slowly but surely, you will start to feel like yourself again.
There is nothing wrong with crying after being cheated on. In fact, it is a great way to release pent up emotions that might be threatening to overtake you. You’ll feel a lot better when you are done and may eventually reach a turning point for yourself.
Pick up a journal and start writing in it. Don’t censor yourself. Talk about how you feel. Talk about what happened. Put it all down on paper so that you don’t carry it with you each day.
Express to your partner how you feel. Ask questions; it is natural to want answers. Keep in mind, though, that you may not get the answers you are seeking. Your spouse may be embarrassed, uncomfortable or simply have difficulty talking about what is going on. He or she may also not want to talk to you. That shouldn’t prevent you from speaking up, however.
- Go To Counseling
You don’t have to do this by yourself. You also don’t have to talk about your marriage to anyone that will listen. Instead, go to a professional. A counselor is bound by confidentiality, so you can be free to talk about anything. Counseling may be able to provide you with the answers you are looking for; go by yourself and with your spouse. Was this a long term affair? What was your partner dealing with at the time? Is he or she fearful that it will happen again? Does your partner want to still be in the marriage? No matter what the answers to those questions are, counseling can help.
- Don’t Rush Things
Focus on each day as it comes. Make sure you get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and have your partner tested as well. You should not be intimate with your spouse until you know what you are dealing with. Talk to your spouse about what you need in order to continue to function.
- Be There For Your children
Your kids will likely pick up on some issues between you and your spouse. Be honest with them in an age appropriate way. If you are sad, and they see it, explain that you are sad but that you will be okay. Remember that your children are not your confidantes, no matter how old they are. Do not put them in between you and your spouse. Also, don’t make them any guarantees. You never know what is going to happen, and your kids have to know that they can trust you. Finally, carefully consider whether you want to confide in your family. They may have difficulty forgiving long after you have made peace with the situation.
- Visit A Doctor
If you are concerned about yourself, go see a doctor. For example, if you can’t keep your temper or you are overly anxious, it is best to get checked out. You may need some medication to help you get through this difficult period of time.
- Be Patient
Your pain is not going to go away any time soon. Even if you forgive your spouse and want to work on your marriage, you will still feel pain at times. It is all a part of grieving. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong or that you should necessarily leave your marriage. You have to be patient with yourself.
Infidelity can make it hard to continue with your marriage. However, you can save it if you and your spouse are both committed to the process. Make changes and move forward.