So often, we yearn for a relationship. We ask for it. Strive for it. Many times, we’re willing to do anything or BE anything…for a relationship. But are we going too far? Are we sacrificing too much of ourselves? What does a relationship really require of us?
In the beginning of a relationship…you might be waking up next to your gloriously naked soulmate, sun streaming through the window – extremely happy! You go on romantic dates, you grant each other ‘just because’ gestures – it’s the fairy tale romance. It’s beautiful.
Then attention starts to wander, enthusiasm wanes – she talks too much, he won’t talk at all. Now what?
Have you ever noticed that so much of relationship is about deciding what’s good and what’s bad? It’s exhausting. How often do you catch yourself judging you – judging the other person – asking what’s right and what’s wrong with you, with your partner, and your relationship? And now you’re judging yourself.
Instead, ask, what’s right about this?
You’ve asked for a relationship, bent and twisted yourself for it, and yet you’re fighting it. Why? Because you know that something else is possible.
Something where you can be you – be everything – with someone else, and with everyone else at the same time.
Relationship, or oneness – what do you have?
Relationship, by its very nature divides us. Rather than bringing us together, it highlights the distance between us. A beautiful ball of limitation, rolled in expectation and judgement – it critiques and criticizes how we relate to one another, while distracting us with its sugary lust dust. Tired of the fighting, trying to do the right thing – we fall deeper into relationship, while falling further away from ourselves. Sooner shrinking to fit the reality of our relationship, before risking being alone.
But what if you could always choose more – gratitude instead of judgement? What if you didn’t have to sacrifice you in order for your relationship to ‘work’?
You can make a demand of you to create a relationship that includes you, includes contribution from others, including your partner. Instead of letting other people’s, or society’s expectations create your relationship, you could ask, ‘what would I like to choose here?’
What would it be like if you valued you as much as you valued your relationship?
In oneness, all parts of you exist. You judge nothing – not your partner, or your relationship. Not even you. In oneness, you’re not separate, you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong. You’re the single drop in the ocean, and the whole entire ocean simultaneously. Everything is included in your awareness, in your choices, and the creation of your relationship and your future, because you are everything. You can receive everything.
What if just for a moment, you allowed yourself to receive the beauty that you are? Exactly as you are. Choosing for you, being for you – dancing with the contribution of the universe. When you do this, you allow you and the other person to be wholly true to who you both are.
You are beautiful – a gift to this world – and you can choose oneness, whether you choose to be with another person or on your own. The greater possibility you have known is possible in relationship is truly available!
Dr. Dain Heer is a bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker. He is a co-creator and leading facilitator of Access Consciousness®, a personal development modality available in more than 170 countries that has contributed to changing the lives of tens of thousands of people. Dr. Heer draws upon his personal background and unique perspective to facilitate positive change in the world, and to empower people from every culture, country, age and social strata to create the life they truly desire. For more information on his latest book, Return of the Gentleman, visit: https://returnofthegentleman.com/. You can purchase your copy on Amazon. Join the conversation here, and follow Dain.