It is foolish to rush divorce, when you’re in a deep emotional state and feel insulting. Such a fateful decision must be made on a cold head, otherwise you can make a lot of mistakes and break your life. Marriage is not only feelings and passions. It is also a joint life, a common home, a common household. Therefore, there are no quick and easy decisions, especially if you have children.
Do not hurry!
Do not file for a divorce after another scandal. At this moment you experience an explosion of emotions and various different feelings, it seems to you that you don’t want to live with this person for even a second, and you are ready to rush to the court. Do not need to hurry!
I have often met women who, just like that, divorced their husbands in a hurry. They were shocked or strangled by an insult, they did not want to hear anything about reconciliation or visiting a family therapist. And as time passed, they regretted their decisions. Many of them were never able to get married again.
First, try to decide how long you can live with your couple. Make a list of what you want to change, thing that you can’t deal anymore about your partner. Share your thoughts with your husband or wife, but not for purpose of arguing or provoking, but just like sharing your thoughts with a friend. Divorce should not be an impulsive rush, but a conscious decision, so that later you don’t want to return everything.
Divorce – a serious, serious step that leads to the destruction of the home, family. It knocks the ground out from under the feet and is accompanied by tremendous stress, comparable, perhaps, only with the loss of a close relative. So is it possible to make this process peaceful? Deciding on a divorce is possible only when all strong feelings are gone, and you completely cool. Your decision will have big consequences for you and your children, so it must be deliberate and wise. You can go for it only when all the possibilities of family preservation have been excluded and there is no other way out.
Using Kids as Excuse for Divorce
Children perceive the world by the reaction of parents. They always unconsciously identify themselves as 50% of their mother and 50% of their father. By the way you react to the situation, they judge the globality of changes in their personal universe. If you are in apathy, depression or even worse – in aggression, for them it will be the final collapse of their own world.
Kids are very sensitive to parental divorce. They blame themselves. Do not ignore their feelings, discuss with them their doubts and fears. Do not go away from the topic of divorce, do not keep it all silent. If children asking about divorce, talk about that subject as much as they need. But during the conversation try to focus on the fact that there is no their fault in what happened.
Create an atmosphere of safety for children, try to behave in a positive, calm, relaxed, friendly manner in their presence. Reassure the children that everything will be fine.
Property issues during divorce
Marriage is not only love, passion and heart feelings that you experienced at the beginning of marriage, it’s also the “management of household and homework” together. Therefore, before you divorce, settle all economic and property matters. Think over how you divide your property together: an apartment, a car and other homely belongings. Invite your other half to discuss all these issues together. Convince, explain, try to find the best option that suits both.
Be fair. Do not try to leave your ex without anything, go for a reasonable compromise. After all, if you can’t agree peacefully, then the case will have to be resolved in court, and you will spend much more time and nerves on this, and we not even talking about money on attorneys yet. For example, the average cost of divorce in Utah is somewhere around 14000$, depends on the number of documents that you’ll need to prepare. That’s why it would be good if you could file for divorce peacefully, filling forms by yourself or getting a quick divorce online, that way you can save money for your child instead of paying a lawyers’ fee. That way you’ll be able to get a divorce for less than $1000.
The best way to separate property is a marriage contract. Many couples do not know that it can be written not only before the wedding, but basically in any other day – even if you decided to divorce tomorrow.
Do not repeat words: “I will file for divorce!” on everyday basis
There are people who likes to turn the threat of divorce into a manipulation. Just a bit – “I am filing for divorce!”. Thus, they are trying to redeem power and scare the guilty partner. But the result is quite the opposite. Do not throw your words, do not turn them into a tool of blackmail and manipulation. Otherwise, your partner will get used to them and stop responding to them.
Sociologists believe that the tendency of increasing the number of divorces is not due to the instability of the family connection, but rather the ability to easily get a divorce.
Divorce has become a common way of settling conflicts between couples, arising from rudeness, mutual insults, humiliation, unwillingness to help in homework, parenting.
Try to stay with your ex-husband in a normal friendly relationship. You are connected by many threads, you have common friends, relatives, grandmothers, grandfathers of your children. Therefore, make an effort to do everything in a peaceful way.
And yet, everyone has a right to make a mistake, and if as time passes, you realize that you have made a wrong move, then do not be afraid to admit it to yourself. You can still turn everything back, of course, it your partner still have feelings in the same way.
If you experience such feelings, then do not engage in self-deception, do what is best for you. If you realize that after divorce with your husband/wife, you made a huge mistake, then show some determination and return everything as it was before it is too late.
Cover Image credits