How to Be Single Again After a Long-Term Relationship

There are some great positives to being single. In fact, most people in a long-term relationship at some point miss the single life. They miss dating, being alone, doing things without considering how their partner feels, and getting more time to spend with their friends and family. Unfortunately, however, we have a habit of missing what we don’t have. 

Being newly single after a long-term relationship can be hard. Even if the breakup was mutual or your idea, adjusting to life as a single person can be difficult. We miss our ex-partner, we miss the routines that we’ve gotten used to, and we’re sad for what we have lost. This is all normal, but that doesn’t make it any less upsetting. 

After years of being someone’s partner, it’s easy to feel lost when they are no longer next to us. If you’ve been with someone for years, you may not feel as though you know who you are as a single person. You need to get over your relationship, get to know yourself again, and learn how to live alone, enjoying life as a single person. Here are some tips to help you. 

Grieve for Your Loss

It’s completely normal to be sad at the end of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you are doing the wrong thing. It’s just a part of the process. You’ve lost your partner, your lifestyle, your routines, and also your relationships with their family, and perhaps some of your friends. Even if you do manage to stay in touch with their friends and family, things won’t be the same, and it’s normal to be upset about this. 

Let yourself be sad. Wallow if you need to, have a good cry, and don’t try to force yourself to love single life straight away. 

Get into Coparenting Routines If You Need to

Learning to be single can be harder if there are children to think about. When you share a child, you are tied together. You can’t move on with no contact. 

But it can be a good idea to get into structured routines as soon as you can. Put plans in place for pick-ups and drop-offs, make financial arrangements, and use apps to make communications and organization as easy as possible. 

If you are looking for a coparenting app, Ensemble has a list of them. They also have an app that helps you to split any expenses related to your child. You can use the Ensemble app to track finances, making sure everything is fair without having to deal with any awkward situations. Using a coparenting app like this, as well as other useful apps, can make coparenting easier, giving you time to build a different relationship with your child and giving you one less thing to worry about.

Later, you might want to build a friendly relationship with your ex and co-parent, but in the early days minimizing contact and using apps to help can you both get used to being single again.

Rediscover Old Hobbies

Being married or in a long-term relationship is time-consuming. You develop shared interests, in part to save time. It’s normal, even in healthy, happy relationships, for some of our hobbies to get left behind. 

There’ll be some hobbies that you loved before your relationship that you no longer enjoy because you aren’t the same person anymore, but there’ll also be some that still bring you pleasure, and we all love a little nostalgia when we’re feeling down. 

Try Some New Hobbies

New hobbies keep you busy, give you a way to make new friends, and keep you active. This is a great time to try things that perhaps your ex-partner wouldn’t have been interested in. Ask your friends to take you along to some of their events or groups and look to see what is on in your local area. 

Get in Touch with Old Friends

It’s also normal to lose touch with friends when you are in a relationship. We have less time for people, and we have to prioritize close friends and relationships that we share with our partners. 

Reach out to people that you haven’t seen as much as you might like and make some plans to do things together. 

Get Some Exercise

Exercise keeps you busy, improves your fitness, and boosts your mood. If you are feeling down, going for a run or even a good walk can help you to feel better and give you purpose. Trying new exercise groups or joining the gym can also help you to meet new people. 

Learn to Be Alone

You might not remember doing things alone, but you need to learn, and the only way to do that is to embrace the single life. Don’t feel as though you need a friend to go to the cinema, or for lunch. Start doing things on your own, and it will soon start to feel more normal. 

To start with, even sitting and eating in front of the TV will feel strange, but the more you do it, the more natural it will feel and the less you will miss your ex. 

Focus on the Positives

Breakups aren’t easy, but there are always positives. You’ve got more time for yourself, you can do what you want to, you can rebuild and improve other relationships, and you are free from a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. In time, you’ll have a chance to find someone that makes you happy, but for now, focus on the positives of being single and the elements of your new lifestyle that you do enjoy. 

Don’t Panic at Setbacks

There will be setbacks along the way. Sometimes, even when you have moved on and are happy with someone else, something will happen that will remind you of your ex, and you may be taken aback. You might even feel a little sad. Don’t panic. Let yourself feel what you feel, and then move on. 

Being single can be great fun. It’s certainly better than being in a relationship that is no longer working. But don’t expect it to be fantastic straight away. Give yourself time to be sad, time to learn, and time to get used to your new life. 

Featured Photo by Edward Franklin on Unsplash